BAD EXPERIENCES WITH HOUSE-CLEANING SERVICES
I saw it on a bumper-sticker months ago in Mesa, Arizona. Then on a tee-shirt in Gilbert, Arizona. I’ve since heard it expressed more and more with passion… and a smirk from Queen Creek to Chandler Arizona!
So I had to ask my “more-savvy-than-me” son, who the heck is “BRANDON,” and why are we rooting for him to LET’S GO? When he told me it was a euphemism being used to denigrate our sitting United States President, I realized this is what happens when I avoid social media. I’m sure an entire industry is selling out of shirts and buttons.
After learning about how ‘Let’s Go Brandon,’ came about, I got thinking about other euphemisms and their origins. It seems there are euphemisms for just about every situation or thing known to life as we know it.
So I …pardon the euphemism, “Googled” EUPHEMISMS to see what phrases described good and bad housecleaning. I found that most euphemisms are used to add color or smooth over the rough edges of something uncomfortable. Death and mental illness are apparently much more popular with the euphemistic crowd that the skill of cleaning houses.
Take death and dying for example… an event we all must experience. When it’s your time to go, you will have ‘’passed on,’ ‘passed away,’ ‘slipped away,’ and ‘departed.’ For those who knew you but thought something less of you, you will have ‘kicked the bucket,’ ‘bit the dust,’ ‘paid the piper.’ And if there are those who found sport in your death, you will have ‘bought the farm,’ be ‘pushing up the daisies,’ or ‘sleeping with the fishes. If you’re 40 years or younger, check out the Monty Python’s Flying Circus ‘Dead Parrot’ sketch. John Cleese delivers one of the funniest sketches you will ever watch regarding euphemisms for his dead parrot.
Another consequence of our human condition we all seem to experience… at least temporarily… has perhaps more euphemisms than any other family-friendly event.
Yes I speak of the fine art of insanity. We seem to prefer the term ‘losing our marbles,’ or ‘leaving the reservation.’ Crackers, bonkers, looney.’ Are you ‘knitting with only one needle,’ or are you ‘a few fries short of a happy meal?’ Playing ‘one card short of a full deck’ or is ‘your wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
But since ‘going under’ and visiting ‘la-la land’ aren’t on my current agenda, here’s a few euphemisms I did find that relate to bad experiences with house-cleaning services. See how many your cleaning company gets right.
- Partially Proficient (not very thorough)
Clearly, many maid services are ‘partially proficient’ on their best days. Even good services will be some of the time. If ‘tooting a horn’ isn’t out of place here, my maid service, Maids on the Spot, is a bit more of a finished project and so should be your house-cleaning
We excel at getting up close and personal through all the ‘porcelain thrones’ of all those the ‘human racoons’ you are raising. Got ‘4-legged dish-lickers?’ We’ll ‘hoover’ the shag and remove all those unwanted ‘nose-flavors.’ And we will terminate the hairy ‘nope-nopes’ along the way.
- Terminological Inexactitude (not being truthful)
What does your cleaning company do when they break an item? Do they tell you? Do your maids go the extra mile and do the extras you ask them to do?
- Proletariat Work Ethic. (not really trying)
Don’t expect a proletariat work from them. Like the Mailman, they deliver. And what do you get? Bob’s your Uncle.
Are you distracted by the shiny ball with “discount” on the label. Look instead, for the magic dust of excellence, attitude, and quality.
- Lolly-gaggers and Dilly-Daklliers (inefficient and late)
My employees have taught and re-taught me this: They will do more in two hours than you will do by yourself in 6.
- Inquisitively challenged (afraid to get better by asking)
How did your maid service do? What did I miss?
The word “clean”, like the word “safe” or “rich” is a very subjective word. Some people rarely actually “clean” anything in their house but feel they are “clean.” Others never feel clean even hours after a cleaning. If you want quality maids in your home, you will need someone with more than intuition and experience. They gotta dare to ask you what you need. And you gotta dare to tell them.
Yes I ‘sing the swells’ for all off my staff. Something I haven’t always been able to do. They are ‘just the berries,’ the ‘dinki-dees,’ the ‘bees knees.’ And see if they aren’t ‘cool as a cucumber’ with that indoor house-garden you call a home. If this is your cleaning company. Keep them! If not, remember, We try harder, we work happier, we clean smarter, we stay affordable.
Bern Roberts is co-owner and operator of Maids on the Spot. He can be reached at 480-218-6687