Yesterday was my wife, “M’s” birthday. I can’t tell you her age but in “dog years,’ she’d be 285 years old and John F. Kennedy was the President of the United States. Our marriage has outlasted Johnny Carson and The Tonight Show. Mr. Carson’s show and M were born in the same year and share the same first season.
Regarding my marriage to “M, I often feel a little like Ed McMahon must have felt knowing he’ll always be second in charge with Johnny really running the show. For 30 years, they partnered together, and while Johnny had hundreds of guests host the show in his absence, not one time, did Ed actually host the show.
Johnny and Ed… “M” and me. The same but different. That being, most of the time, whatever the proposition, “M” lets me think I’m running the show. A consideration I have blindly accepted over the years.
So yesterday, when I suggested at the last minute that we go to Joe’s Barbeque (always a great experience for us, and $10 off your meal when it’s your birthday,) for dinner instead accepting the usual food reruns in our refrigerator, she accepted my invitation.
But now I’m starting to wonder, did I really come up with that idea or did I just accept hers?
Case in point, half way through our dinner, she looks at me and says without cracking a smile, “good choice honey, glad I thought of it.” I said, “I asked you to dinner remember?” “Oh you only think you did.” Her response while giving me that familiar flowing fingers gesture that starts at the top of her head and moves outward, clearly indicating that she had telepathically sent me the message to eat at Joe’s.
And as I muse upon it now, somewhere in the vibe-bio-rythmic universe lies the truth that she was large and in charge last night, and probably is today, and retrospectively was most of my yesterdays. As if on cue, sometime last month I started calling her affectionately “BOSS_MAMA. I had no idea what my brain was really altercasting to the rest of me until today.
Now I am left to ponder… Why is this her preferred method of communication? Is she better off with me thinking all my great ideas are coming from me? Or am I?
And if this is the order of the universe for me, if this is my new past and future …what’s she broadcasting to me today, the day after her birthday? Exactly what am I missing? What have I missed? Now I’mparanoid… a little. I think I’ll give her a call.
Ok now I am super freaked! She said… “I was just thinking about you, hoping you would call. What do you want for your birthday? (mine is next week.)” Ankle deep in my paranoia I am now wondering what she was really asking. She said out loud what do you want, but I’m thinking now she was probably vibing my subconcious telling me that the house-cleaning gift and the electric dog polisher I found on sale at a kiosk in the mall, were not great birthday gift choices for her. Especially considering that I OWN a house-cleaning business so we’d be getting house cleaning anyway, and we don’t actually own a dog, so we don’t even know how to polish one. Hmm pondering.
…one hour later…
Not sure if I needed to reassert myself into a belated birthday gift for “M,” and knowing my powers of observation and mind-reading to be suspect, I went to the source of all truth and light… the internet. On a budget, Google suggests a candle – my nose is tone-deaf and I’d get the scent wrong. For an unusual and unique second birthday present choice, Google suggests a personalized custom painting. My head started spinning… “from me? The expert at stick figures who can’t recognize the difference between reds and greens, and purple and blues? I glanced at the myriad of other options from personal jewelry to custom workout pads to whatever a “lovebox Spinning Heart Massager” is. In the end, I will never get those 15 minutes of on-line overkill back.
Still paranoid though. Asking her out loudis clearly not her preferred communication method. She’ll deny she wants anything and is totally happy with what she got or didn’t get from me. “M” always looking out for mefirst…
Side note – while I ponder and ponder …and ponder, I did buy some tinfoil, did some shaping and pointed a few edges toward magnetic north hoping to reflect away form me the mixed signals previously unfiltered. I now have a functional new hat that I am patiently wearing waiting for further instructions form “M.” I just have to keep facing in the direction of “M.” Fun fact, the internet gives styling tips for the most novice or advanced user.
When I get a signal, I’ll let you know in writing (my preferred method).